....it took me just one meeting to change myself form adarsh to andy and then from andy to andrew to finally being called as andrie! i remember,the first time i was called by that name was when i was in class 5. A teacher from England had come to teach in our school(kate-"her name") and while during a lesson,she wanted to give everyone of us an english name. We were studying "Lochness monster" and all of us were supposed to make a mask for the lesson,that was when she told us that she wanted us to be friends with students of the school she studied in. I was given the name andrew(andy) and my best friend Manish was called Matthew(Matt). My friend from England,her name was Rebecca(Rebecca Herds),its funny that i remember her name to this date and not my class mates' with whom i studied ih high school. In her last letter she had mentioned to me that she had just broken up with a guy and was seeking a new boyfriend,she had even asked in the end if i was interested(i was ten then)! It was then and now,i have tried to get in contact with her quite a few times, typing her name in google,hi5,facebook,vkontakte..almost every possible blog sites i know but there are so many people with the same name,i probably gave up when it came to my mind that she must have changed so much by now she wouldn't even recognise me.
I was always a shy person when it came to matters of relationship but during those days i was so eager to have a white girlfriend. I dont know if it was because of the crush i felt over my english girl friend, to quaint my thirst to be a master of the language or just to feel good about the fact and make my other friends jealous. I never gave it a thought, but the notion must have always remained in my memory since then. I ended up making a Philipino girlfriend when i was 18(8 yrs after) and to this day my unguiltyful perseverance is seeking to fall into the hands of an english speaking girl! I now understand why i didnt fall into the hands of my high school crush, iam sure something must have come out of it had i tried harder, i just choosed to let her space occupy by somebody else as the time passed and now i think it was my innocent mind that was playing its part subconsiously.
Nobody has ever loved me so bashfully or atleast has not made me feel so. It was always i,who was trying hard to give the truest of feelings. But none has lasted,some perished as a memory to be remembered,while in some the long distance between our hearts did its job. Right now, when i think of it,it gives a feel of crossing this river in hopes of finding the treasure at the other side, i must have crossed that river a million times but everytime only failure is what i have grabbed. Iam afraid that iam beginning to lose the very perception of the aphrodisia. I have never wanted to hurt anybody(though its me,who was left in dismay most of the time), iam not sorry,for i do not regreat what i did, i dont know if i was right or wrong but i did what i had to at that time.
Andrei dabai edyom! she said something in russian when i realised, i already have somebody in my life who says she is madly in love with me! A taste of fidelity...iam amazed how i can forget about the world when iam with someone i like. She is the preetiest of the women i have met for quite a time,she is calm and intelligent which drives me even more towards her. The fact that i met her so all of sudden and that both of us have good feelings about each other makes me forget for a while of the consequences it might led to,yet despite all i give it a second thought! As i write this,my eyes are already shutting ever now and then(iam tired from the walk) i shut my eyes to see myself standing at the bank of the same river looking to the otherside,trying to read the signs of the nature of whether i shall or shall not dive in again,even while iam writing this journal iam trying to make a sense out of it...i guess,iam just trying to write all the feelings iam feeling and read between the lines...!
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